This Step Alone.

I saw us break.

I watched us fall.

It made no sense to me at all.

You say you will

But then you don't.

So I'm gonna take this step alone.

In my heart of hearts.

I always knew.

This jump was way too far for you.

You say you will

But the you don't

So I'm gonna take this step alone, alone

The sanctity  I found deep in your arms.

It was false alarm and it burns yeah it hurts.

I lie awake at night and think of what we could have been if it worked

Then we chose to go our separate ways instead of meeting each other halfway

And if I gad to choose boy, I'd have you by my side.

Unang ulan ng Mayo.

Habang naglalakad ako para bumili ng ulam para sa hapunan, naalala ko ang isang insidente nung nabubuhay pa ang aking ina. Inutusan niya din ako bumili ng ulam noon. Makulimlim pero hindi ako nagpatinag. Umalis ako ng walang dalang payong. Pagkatapos ko bumili, inabutan ako ng napakalakas na ulan. Hindi ko alam kung paano ako uuwi. Masyadong malayo para sumugod ako sa ulan.

Habang nakasilong ako sa isang tindahan ng prutas. Inisip ko na sumakay na lang sa pedicab. Kahit na kulang ang aking pera, pababayaran ko na lang sa aking ina pagdating. Habang naghihintay, nakita ko ang aking ina, nakapayong, palinga-linga tila't may hinahanap. Sumulong ako at pinuntahan sya. Tinanong kung okay lang ako.

Iyon ang pinaka'sweet na ginawa ni Mommy sakin. Yung effort na hanapin niya ko kahit sobrang lakas ng ulan. It was priceless. I wish I didn't take for granted things like that. I miss mom.

Maybe. Just Maybe.

I always say that I already moved on from you. I;m in denial when deep down inside I still love you. I'm still hoping when there's nothing to hope for. You'll never choose me anyway because I'm far away from you.

But honestly, I kinda miss the bond we shared. I mean, who wouldn't miss that comfortable feeling with a person. Where we could talk for hours about everything, anything and not have a problem with the silence in the middle. Can't forget all the ridiculous stuff we did. Stupid or not, everything was just so fun. Endless nights, real talks, "the remember when", I remember it all and it's funny what life does, how it could just give you things and take it away so soon. I really can't get it to my head that you distant from people and that good things come to an end. But along the way I learned one thing about life: it goes on, you just gotta pick up yourself up and learn to keel up.

I also realized that maybe, just may be, that I may not miss the person anymore but miss the feelings and moments you had when you're with them.

You make me feel good. :)

Yesterday ( 22April) was one disappointing day for me because I was not able to make it to Coffee Bean. I was really sad because it was my third time to fail on an interview. Dea just said that maybe I was over qualified for the position or I was carried by my nervousness and wasn't able to answer the question properly.

Anyway, to relieve the sadness that I am in, we had a late lunch and coffee. I just utter to myself "marami ng memories ang ibinalik at emotions na tinanggal over a cup of coffee". I was my outlet of emotions. :)

Coffee Buddy.

When we decided to go home, Ate Trina suddenly called up inviting me to meet her high school friends which I miss also the most.

We had our dinner at Uno Pizzeria, had a bottle of beer then went to Resorts World. I was really excited 'cause it's my first time to go there. Haha. Loser me.

We went first to theater to reserve our seats for the movie The Avengers. It's also my first time to watch a movie at 1:30 in the morning. After reserving we went to Casino to play. As much as I want to learn how to play poker, I just don't get it.

Poker Night.

My Iron Man.

My Captain America.

So the movie went well. It was one great movie. The whole experience is unforgettable. I got home at 4 in the morning na. :)

Korean Night.

I am really interested and fascinated with Korean Culture. I always want to learn and speak their language, wear their national costumes and eat their native food.


So last April 21, we went to BF Homes in Paranaque to try out this Korean restaurant--Shabuyaki. The ambiance is very Korean like and the food was great. I wanted to go back their and bring my friends along. ;)

Bulgogi :)

Kimchi.

After eating, we went to this night market. They really have good finds. I had this John Lennon inspired sunglasses then Ate Trina has her sheer top for office. After which, we went to Starbucks to chill and bond. 

John Lennon inspired sunglasses.

Cafe of Memories

For the past 18 years, I’ve been sleeping side by side with my mom. I’m always been a Mom’s pet. I fetched her to her office then we’ll go malling after. I don’t go to sleep when she’s not finish with her office stuffs and we’re not having our meals if we’re not together. My mom never fails to ask how school was, how my day was, or if I get in a fight. We’re super close and it makes my heart break when I found out that she is suffering from breast cancer.

Things went different. We usually go bonding whenever she visits her doctor. I discourage her to eat in any fast food restaurants because she needs to eat healthy food. And that day on, I was the one who always asked her if she’s okay, how she is feeling. But this is life, it goes on…

 One day, as I sit and started eating my crepe, memories started to flashed back as if it was just like yesterday. I can see how my mom wanted me to learn eating in a mid-scale restaurant. Everything is clear as water. Going that exact place makes my tears fall. I miss her and I long for her company.

I can’t forget that day, Mom had La Pinay and I ordered this crepe with asparagus and ham. We always order different food so we that we can taste and critic it. Both foods are good and delicious. The flavor of each crepe describes the savor of the closeness we have.

This day is so unusual. This time I have to eat alone and critic my own food. I had La Pinay—Mom’s all time favorite. The sweetness of this crepe took away the bitterness of my memories. Every bite of it fulfills the longingness in me. I can feel that very moment, she’s right there eating with me.

                 

Eulogy Speech

While cleaning my laptop and deleting unimportant school papers, I found this.....

Carmela had lived an amazing life even though it was rather short. She was a great friend; a kind of friend that stands by you when you need somebody to be there. She’s a writer not a talker. She wants to touch lives by writing.

 What is it that we remember when we think of Carmela? I think everyone who knows her very well would agree with me on this. It was her sense of humor. She was the kind of person that would make everyone laugh so hard that they’d end up crying. Who could forget about her jokes? The green jokes and even the corny one? Goodness! Just thinking about those green jokes still makes me laugh. She was so out there when she starts those jokes. That is what I will truly miss about Carmela. She could make me laugh when I am really sad. She always cheered me up when she knew I just had a bad day. That’s the trademark of Carmela. She always wanted to make people happy.

 At the peak of Carmela’s young and simple life, no one thought that her life will end in a tragic way.  Her death was sudden. I remember when I heard the news I simply could not believe it.  Carmela was well-loved and she had done so many things on earth and I’m sure she’ll do much more in heaven. I will forever be grateful to have known Carmela. I will forever be grateful for spending 11wonderful years of my life with a friend like her. All the memories I have shared with her will forever be cherished and remembered.

I know she wasn’t prepared for this and our family as well. God has His own special plan for her life. We may not understand it but that’s how life works. Life was full of mysteries. 

She is in heaven now and we are here on her funeral. This is not the time for us to grieve her death but it’s our time to celebrate her life. Don’t ever forget Carmela. She never wanted to see people cry. She wanted to make everyone happy. So at this moment when we are about to lay her body to rest, let’s all think back and remember how Carmela touched our lives. How she made us laugh and how good she was as a person. This is not the moment for us to shed our tears but we should all be thankful that we were given the chance to have known a young lady named Carmela.

She will forever be missed but I know in the right time, I will meet her again. We will all meet Carmela again and she’ll make us laugh in tears again. She will forever live in my heart… In our hearts.