What if the one that got away came back?

What if the one that got away came back at your extreme state of happiness? What would you do? Would you take him back in a heartbeat like  most people would? Would you for give him for leaving you stranded? Would you forget every single thing he did to hurt you? Or would you see that as a second shot and risk losing everything?

There are some things that are just not worth running, especially something you wish would last forever. But some just doesn't count to last forever too. But what if the one that got away came back? :)

May 24 will never be the same.

May 24 will never be the same without you Mom. I know it is suppose to be yours and kuya's birthday but you know that we always wanted to make May 24 the best day of your life.

Ikaw yung taong available 24 hours a day and 7 days a week without dayoffs and rest day. Kahit nung may sakit ka kapakanan pa din namin iniisip mo. Pero halos dalawang taon na namin sine'celebrate to ng wala ka. Yung kaisa isang araw na gusto namin iparamdam sayo na mahalaga ka, na you deserve a rest day.

Despite that, we may feel lonely because of longing to be with you, I know you're watching us straight from heaven and proud of what we've became and what we've achieved. Everything we do is for you. I love and miss you, Mom. :) Happy Birthday! Yung feelings na nararamdaman ko is beyong words-- unexplainable. Happy Birthday ule!

Realizations.

For as long as I could remember, I have been living in this peaceful and undisturbed place, enclosed in sturdy and powerful walls. Some say that I was missing half of my life by confining and isolating myself. Others condescendingly shake their heads in amusement, and knowingly declare that I will eventually surface from my dwelling. Whereas others more seek to tempt me, by promising things left and right, trying to make me believe that it was better for me to be with them, and outside my sheltered condition.

Amongst all these, I stubbornly shook my head in defiance, because I was certain that my present situation was what’s best for me. It is my choice to be here, anyway. Away from pain, sheltered from sorrow, and safe from getting hurt once again.

But as fate would have it, you came. Amidst the crowd, you held out your hand to me. I tried my best to refuse you, I really did. I burrowed myself further inside my place, but still you were persistent. I tried to get in touch with my cynical nature and recalled the reasons why I would rather confine myself in the first place, but I was unsuccessful. Slowly, reluctantly, I find myself leaving my personal hole. And you were there, waiting.

You opened my eyes to a wonderful place, and indeed, I felt bliss. There was so much to explore, things I never thought existed, and emotions I have almost forgotten I was capable of feeling. I finally came across things that I only saw in my secret fantasies. You and me. Together. And for that moment, that is all that mattered.

Yes, for a while I genuinely forgot about my past existence, and I have almost convinced myself that, as long as you are here, I was better and happier. Almost. Without warning, I slowly stirred from my trance, like a light bulb inside my head was turned on. I was reminded of the cruel realities that seem to cast a shadow over this different world I am now in. People who previously appeared as angels were now creeping back to me as monsters of my past. Places that seemed beautiful and magnificent now looked haunted. A variety of unfamiliar feelings slithered inside me—jealousy, sadness, bitterness.

I searched for you, but you were not there. All of a sudden, your fingers deliberately slipped away from mine. The hand, the very being, I foolishly believed would always be there, was gone.

Now I am lost and confused. I cannot return to where I came from, for you have already shown me another world beyond my own, a place where I ridiculously trusted that dreams could come true yet again. I cannot remain in this world either, since I am afraid of not being able to survive on my own, without you to hang on to.

It took me quite a while to realize, and to finally admit to myself, that I have fallen in love with someone I should not have fallen in love with. And now I have no idea what to do next and where to go. The wall that used to be my shelter already has crumbled down at my feet. Once more, I am everything I swore I never will be again.

F*R*I*E*N*D*S

“Friendship doesn't die, just because of distance. So even if you’re not here. I hope you know I’m keeping you with me in my heart because you will always be ‘a friend of mine’ even thru the miles.”

Friends. A simple word isn’t it? It’s uttered everyday to almost every person imaginable. Who are your friends? I used to think that friends were the people that you could laugh and talk to. Now I know that friends aren’t that, they’re the people that touch your hearts. You could spend hours with them doing nothing at all and it can be the best time of your life, just because it was with them. They’re the people you can share your secrets with, cry with, laugh with, and just have fun with. They don’t judge you or make you change. They accept you exactly as you are. They look at you and they see a great person, one they love spending time with. You all share something in common and are tied together by memories, tears, laughs, and smiles. You’re tied together by love for the other. Friendship is the strangest but greatest thin in the world. I find my time with my friends, the best times of my life. My friends are my heart, my soul, my fun, my laughter, tears, love and my life. I may have few, but I know they’reTRUE. :) 

How many relationship to try before we find "The One"?

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life…You give them a piece of you. They didn’t ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn’t your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like ‘maybe we should be just friends’ turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It’s a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.” – Neil Gaiman


Why does the notion of ending up with your first and only relationship seem so ideal? perhaps it's because we love the idea of destiny and of luck, or because there's nothing more pristine than when a couple is on the same plane, sharing a common past at the same time discovering and experiencing things for the first time, like a first kiss. It's less complicated.


Growing up with a your partner makes you comfortable with each other. You don't need to try to fit in in each other's lives. 


May times it's the surprise and mystery that draw people to one another--and when those elements are gone, for most people, the attraction frizzles and thus their relationships head towards the downward slope to splitsville. they ultimately find themselves starting all over in the dating scene. Dating and entering into romantic relationships are important and inevitable factors of our lives. Human kind needs partners for it to subsist. Therefore, people loves love. Love is everything to us. We love in able to trust, to love others and to share ourselves. The whole relationship thingy gives a lot of impact to our lives. That is why it's like the end of the world when we end relationship.


But how many relationship are we going to try before finding the one? For me, you don't need to find love because that is why you call it falling in love. You don't force yourself, you actually fall. People that came to our life has its own purpose, weather to teach us a lesson, to hurt us or to be with us forever. You don't set qualifications when you love, if its "the one" it will be the one. Everything will fall into their right place, at the right time and with the right person. :)

Happy Mother's Day.

This entry is an excerpt from my Multiply blog almost a year and a half ago. I want to dedicate this to my every loving Mom.

While watching MMK, I heard Xian Lim saying "Si Nanay, alam kung kelan ako pagod, kung kelan ako malungkot." Ayun. Tears roll down my cheeks. Hahaha. Emo much? Sorry! I guess no one can truly understand what I feel. Kasi hndi naman lahat kayo may cancer nanay. :(

Si Mommy, sya yung kakwentuhan ko. Kaming dalawa yung nabe'baby talk pag nasa mood kami mglambingan. Para din kaming twins, hindi kumakain yung isa pag wala yung isa or hndi natutulog kung hndi pa matutulog yung isa. For 17 years existence of my life, sya yung katabi ko matulog. Hahaha. Yep. Seventeen years. 18 na ko nung humiwalay ako matulog skanya.  We hold hands when we sleep and she hugs me from behind. Minsan nga pinikpik nia ko ee. :( Namimiss ko na yun. 

Yesterday, I was at the hospital. I was kinda in the mood to make lambing. So, kinukulit ko sya ng kinukulit. Pinipilit ko sya patawanin. Hindi effective. Masama daw yung damdam. Sabi ko pinapatawa lang kita. Baka kaya hndi ka gumagaling kasi hindi masya yang buhay mo. She grind and said bka nga. Narealize ko parang napaka'failure namin. Ako. Parang wala akong nagawa para pasayahin yung mom ko. :((

Ngayon ko lang sya namiss ng ganito. Si mommy lang kasi yung may alam talaga kung malungkot ako. Pag hindi na ko makausap sa loob ng 3 tatlong araw, nagtatanong na yan kung anong problema ko. :( Pag dumadating ako from school tpos direcho na ko sa room. magtatanong yun kung baba ka pa?, kakaen ka? matutulog ka na? Pag pumapasok ako sa bhay ng makasimangot, magtatanong na yun kung pagod ako. Hindi sya nakakalimot. 

These are the simple things I took for granted. i wish I had all the time to make her smile, laugh and take care of her. It's been 2 years since we celebrated Mother's day without you. I still miss you Mom. I want to see, touch and hug you so bad. :( How I wish your still with me. With us.

Yakimix.

Finally, I was able to visit and try Yakimix - an eat-all you can buffet type of restaurants that offers Chinese, Japanesse, Korean and now, Filipino cuisines.Personally, I think the food is great! There is something about cooking your own food that caught the attention of Filipinos. This is not a regular fare eat-all you can restaurant where the food are so-so and stomach fillers.

We tried their branch at Greenbelt 3. The look of this restaurant is quite modern though not dazzling fancy. The place is rather spacious and also well-lighted. All in all, the place has a kind of soothing ambiance.

Now the food. Food selection is divided into section. From raw foods down to their desserts. Everything in their seems appetizing. I noticed that the most visited section was the section where different kinds of marinated raw pork, chicken, beef, seafoods and vegetable were placed for customers to choose from and cook at the designated grillers in the table. I love the veggies wrapped in bacon.

Round 1.

Her personal plate.

Joyce and Trina.

Me. :)

Round 2.

Yum Yum Yum!

Joyce told me not to expect anything from their dessert because it's not that good but surprisingly, they have Red Ribbon and Goldilacks cakes and Selecta ice cream. Well, I didn't have much of the desserts because I cannot literally breath. I had enough of the pork and beef. Oh! I also did halo-halo for Joyce. (Cravings!) 

Yakimix is a much better deal over the buffet type restaurant. This is because you shell out a few extra bucks in return for a much excellent quality food fare. :)

Bye Bye Yakimix!

The really don't want to leave the place but what can I do? I'm too full to try almost everything that they offer. So after having lunch, we drop by Starbucks to meet Joyce's friend. Then, I have to accomony Ate Trina going to Bonifacio Global City (becoming my "tambayan"). I waited for her for almost 3 hours. Good thing I have a book with me.

Thanks Dea.

I've realized that having alone time is a good feeling. You get to reflect on yourself. Reflect on what you are becoming as the day goes by. I'm very thankful that I got the opportunity to bond with myself. I realized that some things are not everything. 

I'm walking away.

MY QUOTE OF THE DAY:

I'm walking away from the troubles in my life.

I'm walking away to find a better day!

Know your worth.

I should not allow myself to get too attached to people around me. I'm tired of giving my all and making them my  whole world. I should remind myself that I have my own life. That life does not revolve around them. I should also remind myself of people that accept and appreciates me for am I. People who accept my  strengths and weaknesses whole heartedly. 

Chili's Night.

It was one unexpected night. I invited Alex and Trina to try the unlimited margarita at Chili's. Then all of a sudden, it is all set. I'm with Alex and we met Trina and Joyce. It was kind of a scheme. Haha! Basta ganun. :))

I really had fun that night. I was able to make new friends.  Though there's this one thing that really bugs me. :)) Hahaha. oh well. Let it go. Let it go.

Trina and Joyce.

Frozen Margarita.

Alex and  Me.

Triple Play. Favorite!

Hello there! =)

New Found Friends.

Add caption

Ito na ata ang pinakawalang kwenta kong entry. :|

This Step Alone.

I saw us break.

I watched us fall.

It made no sense to me at all.

You say you will

But then you don't.

So I'm gonna take this step alone.

In my heart of hearts.

I always knew.

This jump was way too far for you.

You say you will

But the you don't

So I'm gonna take this step alone, alone

The sanctity  I found deep in your arms.

It was false alarm and it burns yeah it hurts.

I lie awake at night and think of what we could have been if it worked

Then we chose to go our separate ways instead of meeting each other halfway

And if I gad to choose boy, I'd have you by my side.

Unang ulan ng Mayo.

Habang naglalakad ako para bumili ng ulam para sa hapunan, naalala ko ang isang insidente nung nabubuhay pa ang aking ina. Inutusan niya din ako bumili ng ulam noon. Makulimlim pero hindi ako nagpatinag. Umalis ako ng walang dalang payong. Pagkatapos ko bumili, inabutan ako ng napakalakas na ulan. Hindi ko alam kung paano ako uuwi. Masyadong malayo para sumugod ako sa ulan.

Habang nakasilong ako sa isang tindahan ng prutas. Inisip ko na sumakay na lang sa pedicab. Kahit na kulang ang aking pera, pababayaran ko na lang sa aking ina pagdating. Habang naghihintay, nakita ko ang aking ina, nakapayong, palinga-linga tila't may hinahanap. Sumulong ako at pinuntahan sya. Tinanong kung okay lang ako.

Iyon ang pinaka'sweet na ginawa ni Mommy sakin. Yung effort na hanapin niya ko kahit sobrang lakas ng ulan. It was priceless. I wish I didn't take for granted things like that. I miss mom.

Maybe. Just Maybe.

I always say that I already moved on from you. I;m in denial when deep down inside I still love you. I'm still hoping when there's nothing to hope for. You'll never choose me anyway because I'm far away from you.

But honestly, I kinda miss the bond we shared. I mean, who wouldn't miss that comfortable feeling with a person. Where we could talk for hours about everything, anything and not have a problem with the silence in the middle. Can't forget all the ridiculous stuff we did. Stupid or not, everything was just so fun. Endless nights, real talks, "the remember when", I remember it all and it's funny what life does, how it could just give you things and take it away so soon. I really can't get it to my head that you distant from people and that good things come to an end. But along the way I learned one thing about life: it goes on, you just gotta pick up yourself up and learn to keel up.

I also realized that maybe, just may be, that I may not miss the person anymore but miss the feelings and moments you had when you're with them.

You make me feel good. :)

Yesterday ( 22April) was one disappointing day for me because I was not able to make it to Coffee Bean. I was really sad because it was my third time to fail on an interview. Dea just said that maybe I was over qualified for the position or I was carried by my nervousness and wasn't able to answer the question properly.

Anyway, to relieve the sadness that I am in, we had a late lunch and coffee. I just utter to myself "marami ng memories ang ibinalik at emotions na tinanggal over a cup of coffee". I was my outlet of emotions. :)

Coffee Buddy.

When we decided to go home, Ate Trina suddenly called up inviting me to meet her high school friends which I miss also the most.

We had our dinner at Uno Pizzeria, had a bottle of beer then went to Resorts World. I was really excited 'cause it's my first time to go there. Haha. Loser me.

We went first to theater to reserve our seats for the movie The Avengers. It's also my first time to watch a movie at 1:30 in the morning. After reserving we went to Casino to play. As much as I want to learn how to play poker, I just don't get it.

Poker Night.

My Iron Man.

My Captain America.

So the movie went well. It was one great movie. The whole experience is unforgettable. I got home at 4 in the morning na. :)

Korean Night.

I am really interested and fascinated with Korean Culture. I always want to learn and speak their language, wear their national costumes and eat their native food.


So last April 21, we went to BF Homes in Paranaque to try out this Korean restaurant--Shabuyaki. The ambiance is very Korean like and the food was great. I wanted to go back their and bring my friends along. ;)

Bulgogi :)

Kimchi.

After eating, we went to this night market. They really have good finds. I had this John Lennon inspired sunglasses then Ate Trina has her sheer top for office. After which, we went to Starbucks to chill and bond. 

John Lennon inspired sunglasses.

Cafe of Memories

For the past 18 years, I’ve been sleeping side by side with my mom. I’m always been a Mom’s pet. I fetched her to her office then we’ll go malling after. I don’t go to sleep when she’s not finish with her office stuffs and we’re not having our meals if we’re not together. My mom never fails to ask how school was, how my day was, or if I get in a fight. We’re super close and it makes my heart break when I found out that she is suffering from breast cancer.

Things went different. We usually go bonding whenever she visits her doctor. I discourage her to eat in any fast food restaurants because she needs to eat healthy food. And that day on, I was the one who always asked her if she’s okay, how she is feeling. But this is life, it goes on…

 One day, as I sit and started eating my crepe, memories started to flashed back as if it was just like yesterday. I can see how my mom wanted me to learn eating in a mid-scale restaurant. Everything is clear as water. Going that exact place makes my tears fall. I miss her and I long for her company.

I can’t forget that day, Mom had La Pinay and I ordered this crepe with asparagus and ham. We always order different food so we that we can taste and critic it. Both foods are good and delicious. The flavor of each crepe describes the savor of the closeness we have.

This day is so unusual. This time I have to eat alone and critic my own food. I had La Pinay—Mom’s all time favorite. The sweetness of this crepe took away the bitterness of my memories. Every bite of it fulfills the longingness in me. I can feel that very moment, she’s right there eating with me.

                 

Eulogy Speech

While cleaning my laptop and deleting unimportant school papers, I found this.....

Carmela had lived an amazing life even though it was rather short. She was a great friend; a kind of friend that stands by you when you need somebody to be there. She’s a writer not a talker. She wants to touch lives by writing.

 What is it that we remember when we think of Carmela? I think everyone who knows her very well would agree with me on this. It was her sense of humor. She was the kind of person that would make everyone laugh so hard that they’d end up crying. Who could forget about her jokes? The green jokes and even the corny one? Goodness! Just thinking about those green jokes still makes me laugh. She was so out there when she starts those jokes. That is what I will truly miss about Carmela. She could make me laugh when I am really sad. She always cheered me up when she knew I just had a bad day. That’s the trademark of Carmela. She always wanted to make people happy.

 At the peak of Carmela’s young and simple life, no one thought that her life will end in a tragic way.  Her death was sudden. I remember when I heard the news I simply could not believe it.  Carmela was well-loved and she had done so many things on earth and I’m sure she’ll do much more in heaven. I will forever be grateful to have known Carmela. I will forever be grateful for spending 11wonderful years of my life with a friend like her. All the memories I have shared with her will forever be cherished and remembered.

I know she wasn’t prepared for this and our family as well. God has His own special plan for her life. We may not understand it but that’s how life works. Life was full of mysteries. 

She is in heaven now and we are here on her funeral. This is not the time for us to grieve her death but it’s our time to celebrate her life. Don’t ever forget Carmela. She never wanted to see people cry. She wanted to make everyone happy. So at this moment when we are about to lay her body to rest, let’s all think back and remember how Carmela touched our lives. How she made us laugh and how good she was as a person. This is not the moment for us to shed our tears but we should all be thankful that we were given the chance to have known a young lady named Carmela.

She will forever be missed but I know in the right time, I will meet her again. We will all meet Carmela again and she’ll make us laugh in tears again. She will forever live in my heart… In our hearts.